Shortly after spurning his PhD. track in philosophy, Toby Jay Townsend, consummate rock critic, sports enthusiast, porn zealot, and ardent Jungian acolyte, receives an unprecedented insurance settlement, due to a tragic, neck-breaking auto accident. As a result, Toby Jay reckons real estate to be the wisest investment, so he settles into a small, rural college town, having purchased a grand old mansion as well as a quaint majestic lair for his own comfort.

            Soon, however, Toby Jay begins to suspect something is not quite right with his neighbor across the street…an old lady, who he had previously written off as overly eccentric. Yet now, no longer preoccupied with roofs, windows, flooring, and such, Toby Jay begins to suspect something rather sinister. In due course, these seemingly absurd suspicions are terrifyingly confirmed.

            Move over Amityville, there’s a new real horror story in town, only this one is replete with conclusive photographic evidence. Back to the drawing board Blair Witch Project, this scary documentary is verifiably authentic. Better yet, eat your heart out MARK Z. DANIELEWSKI, this serpentine, academically-fueled tale is actually true.

            Indeed, reader beware: you are now in possession of arguably the most dangerous American horror story ever told…where the horror is clearly no hoax, but instead as real as it will ever get.